Everything That's On My Mind

There's an interesting scene in The Nativity Story where Mary asks Joseph, "Do you ever wonder when we'll know that he's more than just a child? Will it be something he says, a look in his eye?" In response, Joseph wonders if he'll even be able to teach Jesus anything. This reminded me of a question that has interested me for many years. When did Jesus become "self-aware"? When did He realize that He was the Son of God, the Messiah, the sacrificial Lamb? And how did that realization come about?

The scriptures are nearly silent about Jesus' childhood and early adulthood. Beyond the nativity story, we have only the story of Jesus' visit to the Temple when he was twelve years old in Luke 2. We have no direct witness to reference on this question. Perhaps that is why I've never seen it addressed in any books I've read. Nevertheless, I find the question interesting and I think it's possible to make a few safe assumptions based on what we know and perhaps develop a reasonable theory. What follows is my theory, for what it's worth.

First of all, I think it's obvious that Jesus didn't emerge from the womb fully self-aware. There's no indication He was gathering disciples and teaching in parables as a child. There are apocryphal stories of Jesus performing miracles as a child, but nothing in the canon. The story of Jesus at the Temple indicates that Jesus was an amazing child and exceptional in His understanding of scripture, but it also indicates that He was asking questions and listening to the teachers; learning as any normal child would. He does, at this point, recognize who His Father is, but that is no surprise. Joseph and Mary certainly would have told Him about His miraculous birth and the messages the angels gave them. Did He realize at this point the magnitude of His mission? Did He know that he would suffer and die? I don't think so. Luke 2:52 states "Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men." His understanding developed gradually just like any other child.

I believe Jesus' wasn't aware of the full magnitude of His mission until He began His earthly ministry. In fact, I think it's possible if not likely that he received that revelation during His time of prayer and fasting in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1-11). I also believe that His understanding of His mission on earth developed primarily through His study of the scriptures and through prayer. Why? Because I believe in the most basic of Christian doctrines, Jesus' full divinity and full humanity. If Jesus was fully human while here on earth, then He received His commission from God the same way we do. Once He understood His calling, He had to choose to follow it just as we do. If He was "tempted in every way, just as we are" (Hebrews 4:15), then He was required to live by faith just as we are. Doubting His understanding of God's plan and His place in it must have been a possibility for Jesus, and clearly was. Satan's first two temptations of Jesus in the wilderness were prefaced with the phrase "If you are the Son of God...". Satan was clearly trying to chip away at Jesus' faith in who He was and whether or not the Father was with Him. If Jesus' had actually just received the knowledge of His impending sacrificial death, then Satan's temptations were all the more sadistic. Either way, I believe Jesus was just like us. He received His instructions from God via scripture and prayer and was required to follow by faith, which He did.

You may ask, what is the point of this theological flight of fancy? Simply this. I think we often minimize the reality of Jesus' humanity. We think that because He is the Son of God, He had special access to God that we don't have. We think (though we may not say it out loud) that because He is the Son of God, we can't truly be Christ-like, therefore we don't really try to attain it. We choose some lesser measure of godliness to be our standard of achievement. This attitude keeps us from being all that God has intended us to be. Jesus said we would do everything He did and more (John 14:12), but we don't really believe it...or at least we don't act like it. We settle for so much less. A true understanding of Jesus' humanity will lead us to a deeper understanding of the power that is available to us through the Holy Spirit and the responsibility that is ours to truly become Christ-like.